So I haven’t used this site in fluffing forever, but since I’m already on here I figured I’d post about this.
I’m thinking of leaving NC on Tuesday to spend a few days driving northward to take the time I need to be alone (preparation for the reality that I’m going to have to say goodbye to the girl that I love in two months? probably a little.) and draw inspiration from the things I see and the people I meet to make progress on some songwriting.
I’m hoping to stop in a couple little artistic towns in Kentucky and Indiana to check them out. Why not.
I’m not sure how I feel about it yet. Part of me is scared. Another part of me curious. I don’t know if it’s a good decision or not, but I’m probably going to make it anyway…
“A so-called “Upside Down Mountain” in France has become the focal point for New Age types who believe it contains an alien spaceship that will save them when the world ends.
This corner of southern France has long been a cauldron of mystic fables and occult conspiracy theories. But in Bugarach, “it’s all about the mountain”. At 1,320m, the peak of Bugarach looms over the village. It sits alone, not part of a range, and some believe its spooky shape inspired the mountain in Steven Spielberg’s Close Encounters of the Third Kind. Known as the "upside down mountain”, it is a geological oddity whereby the lower layers of rock are mysteriously younger than those at the top. It is also host to a bewildering number of caves. Strange sounds from underground and odd light effects at the top have for decades seen the mountain likened not only to a UFO landing pad, but a “UFO underground car park”, with regular spaceship vrooming and revving allegedly heard from within. UFO believers often travel here, looking for bits of spaceship amid the mountain rock. According to them, extraterrestrials are quietly waiting in the massive cavity beneath the rock for the world to end, at which point they will leave, taking, it is hoped, a lucky few humans with them.”
my life on 01/22/14
Right now, I’m pretty sure I’m at the strangest point in my life so far. There’s just a whole fucking lot going on in my head, and it’s the most awful, most terrifying thing.
I’m hoping writing about it will clear my mind a little bit.
The main things.
-I’m crazy about my best friend. It’s something I never saw coming, and it just kind of came out of nowhere a week or so ago, but now I hardly ever stop thinking about her. She’s the best person I’ve literally ever met, and everything about her is perfect. However, I don’t think the feelings are returned. And the most painful part is the fact that she used to. She used to have feelings for me. At least some, and she’d hint at it subtly, but I never acknowledged it because that wasn’t what I wanted. Now, when I’m feeling this, I’m also filled with regret and an understanding of the pain I must have caused her then…
-Lately, I’ve been feeling less… liked by my closest friends. Part of it is probably my own self-conscience over-thinking things, but not all of it. Even when I’m with her, if her gay best friend is there (a guy who I formed an incredible bond with for a short time before he kicked me to the curb), she’ll hardly even look at me. I know because in those instances, I only look at her. Last night with them, it was like they forgot I was even in the room for a good 15 minutes. There are other examples, but that’s the one that’s currently on my mind the most.
-I went to an important audition this past weekend. I rode 7 hours in a car to get there and 7 hours back. The audition cost $55 to register for, which my parents graciously covered. It was the worst audition I’ve ever given. I forgot the fucking words and made it up, after obviously going blank. So that’s the biggest disappointment I could have given myself, and also a huge slap in the face to my parents for paying for it. And now the girl who drove me (and two others) is asking me to pay $55 for gas and the hotel room, which I frankly just don’t have a dime of right now, nor will I probably for a good while. Long story short: money is dumb and I’ve never felt like such a failed actor.
-Every day, I go to rehearsals for “A Doll’s House” because I’m an understudy. It’s a show I really wanted to be in, and I’ve never been closer to being cast in a show before to not get a role. So while I’m learning a ton from going to these rehearsals, it’s pretty painful to sit there in the house and watch everyone else on stage. I want to be up there acting so much. I haven’t felt accomplished with anything as an actor in about a year, and acting is what I do. It’s my life. So… that’s not healthy.
The rest of the things.
-I haven’t made any music in a long time. I never even want pick up my guitar anymore. It breaks my heart.
-Despite how good my parents/family are to me, I hated being home this past break. It was miserable and I felt trapped and while it’s over for now and I’m back at school, it’s still in my mind, stuffed under all the rest of this shit.
So that’s pretty much my life right now. I can hardly make myself do anything, I’ve never felt so heavy before. I just really really want some of this weight to be lifted, and I want to be happy again. And I want to make her happy and be loved by my friends and act until it’s brilliant.
If I was a cryer, I would probably be crying a lot lately.
Today I met Steve.
(Source: sheepfilms)
Jammin at 6am. This is straight out of the ghetto of my heart.
Hah, this is so groovy! It makes me laugh for some reason.
expecttheunexpectedtoday
Goodnight.
What I Be Project, Steve Rosenfield
Photographer Steve Rosenfield recently asked subjects far and wide to complete the following statement: “I am not my ___ ”. He prompted individuals to fill in the blank with their deepest and darkest insecurities, moving people to bring issues regarding body image, substance abuse, mental illness, race and sexuality to the forefront. The results of the social experiment of sorts is a photography series titled the What I Be Project, an intimate examination of the anxieties and inhibitions that plague men and women of all ages.
The “What I Be Project” is all about honesty.
In today’s society, we are told to look or act a certain way. If we differ from these “standards,” we are often judged, ridiculed, and sometimes even killed over them.
By stating “I am not my_____,” people are claiming that they do in fact struggle with these issues, but it does not define who they are as a person. It is not aimed for people to say “You’re not fat,” or “You don’t have love handles.” It is to spread awareness on what people go through due to society’s paved roads. These are serious issues that some of us can live with, but most battle on a day to day basis.
- I am not my shame.
- I am not my gender.
- I am not my image.
- I am not my turban.
- I am not my weakness.
- I am my amputation.
- I am not my bi-polar disorder.
- I am not my adoption.
- I am not my number.
- I am not my vision.
(Source: stevejrosenfield.com)
Can anyone tell me if you know anything about psychiatric children’s hospitals? I’m working on a writing assignment and I need to know what an average day is like inside of one.
How Can I
If mouths didn’t say something
And the body form ghost
Disappointment wouldn’t be fear
Or fear could be of sleeping too late
From a dream of beautiful music
In a crumbling theatre.
Maybe. this letter I write
Might change your world
For a day
And then get lost in your room
Under your fashion magazines
And if I asked you if you did it
Would you tell me the truth
Or write a sad song about some horrible stranger
Stealing her childish green-leaf dignity
And haunting her dreams
She can never forget what you did.
If you did it at all.
But you’re the magic I can drink
You’re the kiss of the air in smoke exhaled
When you’re real, if that happens at all
Most of the time you don’t even exist
Except as the weight of a wish on my forehead
Thank god no one could guess
Exactly where my eyes look
When they’re open but not seeing seeing in time.
If you would only stop hiding
I would love to hear the sound of your song again
But until then, how can I.
What I want most
is to be really good at writing songs, and making people laugh. So in between songs at my shows when I tell stories or jokes I always get to see someone smiling with tears in their eyes. That’s the most beautiful feeling in the world and I want to create it a million times over.
The only known video footage of Anne Frank
I can’t think of any reason why someone would not reblog this.
If this isn’t interesting/sad to you, then I don’t know what you like in life.
Can’t we hit 1,000,000 notes? This is such a rare shot, everyone should see it.
Nice.
(Source: belledepelichy)
easter is on 4/20 next year
awk
blaze it and praise it
and on the third day Jesus rose high as a muthafucka